Physical Symptoms

There are highly visible physical symptoms like tremor, walking problems, and of course, less visible symptoms like fatigue, visual difficulties and bowel and bladder problems. No matter the symptoms, children get used seeing them on a daily basis. However, they are wondering how mom or dad won’t get better and they don’t seem to understand that these symptoms might become more serious over time.

The less visible physical symptoms are most likely misinterpreted by children. For example, a child might interpret fatigue as disinterest or laziness.

Of course, some of the physical symptoms might limit a parent’s ability to care for a young child. When this happens, the best way would be to consider sharing caretaking responsibilities with others. In this case, the parent will want to find someone to take care of the infant without undermining the parent’s efforts or competing for the child’s love and attention.

One of the other problems that parents with MS have is the fact that they won’t always be able to be good parents if they are not physically fit. Children might want to share a bike ride, to be walked to school, or play catch or other sports with their parents. Even if children might be angry at first, in the long run, just having their parent present to observe their skills and offer support makes them happy.

Parents also associate their increasing disability with increased limitations in their ability to educate and discipline their children. However, these parents only focus on the physical aspects of discipline, when they should primary focus on communications skills, especially communicating clearly their expectations and consequences.

A very useful help for parents with MS can be MS support groups and parenting workshops.
 

Cognitive Impairment

As with other Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms, cognitive impairment might be difficult for children to understand. The most common cognitive problems include memory and concentration problems, and overall slowing of thinking process. Other specific functions that can be affected by MS are the ability to learn and remember new information, concentration problems, verbal fluency, and problem-solving.

Children might misinterpret these symptoms. For example, forgetfulness can be interpreted as not caring or not listening. As a result, children might feel angry and hurt, wonder if the parent is “becoming stupid” or simply not trying enough.

Emotional And Behavioral Symptoms

Adjusting to MS is an ongoing process that starts when the diagnosis is made and continues over the course of the illness. Depression is very common with MS as a result. However, untreated depression can impact a parent’s ability or motivation to carry out the daily activities and responsibilities of parenting.

Mood swings, general irritability and outbursts of temper can also interfere with parent-child interactions. Children can’t always understand a parent’s unpredictable and intense emotional state, especially when they are easy targets for these frustrations. Misplaced anger leaves the child feeling resentful, hurt and confused, as much as it leaves the parent feeling guilty.

Social Consequences

In a family where one of the parents has MS it is usual to renegotiate roles and responsibilities as a response to the changes in cognitive or physical abilities. Usually this happens when the breadwinning spouse with MS becomes unable to continue work and has to stay at home and take on new parenting responsibilities, while the healthy spouse becomes the breadwinner. It is not uncommon for families to share parenting responsibilities with individuals from outside the family also. Of course, in the worst case scenario, the reconfiguration means divorce or separation.

There are less obvious reconfigurations, like the emotional withdraw of one or both partners from each other and/ or their parenting roles. At the same time, single parents who have MS find it hard not be affected by the role-related stress because they have no partner with whom they can share the parenting, financial and household responsibilities.

Most parents with MS assume that they won’t be able to be involved in their children’s recreational, social and athletic activities. However, the most important things for parents are: to asses each situation carefully, consider all their options and seek assistance before depriving themselves or their children of their participation.

Parents often believe that their children will be embarrassed when seen with a parent using a cane or wheelchair. However, the supportive presence of the parent usually outweighs any possible embarrassment, and children are usually happy to see their parents overcoming their disabilities for them.

Financial Consequences

When one of the parents can’t provide anymore, it’s needless to say that the family’s financial situation can change considerably. In some cases, especially single parents may find themselves living with their extended family.

Unfortunately, most times family activities are limited not by the parent’s disability but rather by the restricted finances. Parents in this situation usually worry about not being able to provide for their children, and that their family members, children and friends will believe that they are bad parents. When faced with this kind of financial limitations, it is usually best to involve the children in the choice-making process. This way, although the family might not be able to do all their favorite activities, each family member can help to choose one or two, depending on the financial situation.