What Does The Research Tell Us?

Recent studies showed that children usually cope well with the stress of MS in their parent’s and their lives. Most of the children in which one of the parents suffers from MS thrive socially, emotionally and academically. Of course, a parent’s illness can have positive functions within families, bringing them together and helping children learn responsibility and gain independence.

Studies also showed that children tend to cope better with MS than their parents. Once children know that their parents are not going to die and that they will continue to take care of them, they adjust satisfactory to the presence of Multiple Sclerosis in their family. At the same time, it seems that parents, trying to reassure themselves that MS was not going to have negative impact on their children’s lives, tend to overlook some of the MS-related tensions within the household, the result being tension on children.

Stressful Events For Children

Children usually experience anxiety during the periods of separation from their parent, especially when a parent is hospitalized. This primary happens because children see hospitals as places for very sick people or for the dying. The anxiety increases if children have a single parent, especially if they will be cared for by someone else while the parent is away.

Another frightening event for children is seeing their parent fall, since they feel helpless in these situations especially if they are not strong enough to help them up.

How Children Perceive Multiple Sclerosis

Depending on their developmental level, children understand differently a parent’s illness. For example, a young child who sees his parent wearing braces will tend to think that this happened because the parent fell and broke a leg, and that the brace will come off as soon as the leg heals. Adolescents, on the other hand, can think about these things in more complex and abstract terms, which helps them cope better.

Children, depending again on their developmental level, will want information about MS in different ways. Some will want their parents to tell them all about it, while other will prefer to read on their own, or even accompany the parent to an MS-related meeting where they can ask questions to members of the healthcare team.

It is not uncommon for children to have separation anxiety as they begin to attend school. They might fear that bad things will happen to their mommy or daddy while they are away, and might be torn between attending school and staying at home to look after their parents. Some children will even fake illness in order to do that. In the case of single-parent children, the separation anxiety tends to be a bit higher. This is why children need to be reassured that nothing bad is going to happen while they are away, and that their parent wants them to attend school and pursue normal activities.

Childrens' Responsibilities

Most children who have a parent with MS will tend to have more responsibilities than children of the same age with healthy parents. This will lead them to be more mature and serious for their age. However, this is not a bad thing, most of them continuing to thrive in spite of the added stress and responsibilities.

A more serious problem arises when children become the sole care-givers for their parents. This might happen because of too few community services or the unavailability of other adults to provide care. Some personal care situations might cause discomfort to both children and parents (e.g. bathing, bowel and bladder care). Also, these activities might interfere with children’s schoolwork and cause them to absent from school or miss out on age appropriate activities.

There are families in which the elder child has to take a co-parenting function for siblings. Even if children will usually enjoy their new-found sense of authority and special position, these added responsibilities can interfere with their own activities.